I’m Feeling Extremely Depressed About Growing Up Lately. I Don’t Know What to Do?

Question by : I’m feeling extremely depressed about growing up lately. I don’t know what to do?
I’ve been crying…like full out bawling…myself to sleep for the past month or so. I can’t really describe how I feel except to say that the world seems very dark to me now.

I keep looking at pictures of me when I was a kid and a teenager, and I would give ANYTHING to go back to then. A huge part of the problem is that when I was about 14 years old I started experiencing weird health problems…one day, I bit into my lunch and noticed that my sense of taste was completely gone. So I spent the rest of my adolescence terrified I was dying of cancer. I began avoiding doctors and dentists because I was afraid of what they would find. So as a result, I never got my teeth straightened and still have a really crooked tooth to this day. I didn’t do things I would have liked to try like cheerleading because they required that you get physicals done. I found out that you didn’t need a physical to be on color guard with the marching band, so I joined that instead and had some of the best times of my life even though the fear that I was dying was always in the back of my head. I did that for two years (sophomore and junior year). I didn’t do it senior year because the health problems were progressing more at that point. I started having dizzy spells, and I knew I couldn’t do color guard like that, so I just made up some stuff about not wanting to do it anymore. I spent my senior year of high school terrified and keeping it to myself.

Then I went to college and somehow managed to graduate last month even though the health problems got REALLY bad in college. There were numerous times when I had to leave my class because I felt like I was on the verge of losing consciousness. So being in college sucked, but I somehow made it out.

And now I’m just really depressed. I still have these really scary health problems, so I’m afraid to get a job outside of the house (I do some freelance work online, but I hate it). I feel like my childhood and my college years were wasted being terrified about my health and going to all sorts of lengths to hide the problems I was experiencing from people, and now those “best years of my life” are over, and I’m being thrust into the adult world without ever really having experienced the whole high school and college thing. Hiding the health problems all of these years has made me neurotic, I’m pretty sure. I feel like no one knows the true me…they know the excuses I make up for why I can’t do things. (“Oh, I can’t go out drinking with you, I’m allergic to alcohol.” “That time when I left class? It was a severe anxiety attack. I have those sometimes.”)

The health problems are getting to the point where I really think I may be dying. I think I have a brain tumor…all of my symptoms are really neurological, plus I have pain in this spot on my skull 24/7. It’s getting too hard to hide the problems. I would give anything to go back to being 14 so I could tell that little girl to not hide the health problems and instead get them taken care of because, otherwise, they would grow unbearable some 7 years down the line. But I can’t do that.

Somebody please tell me what to do. I’m so beyond depressed and lonely.

Best answer:

Answer by Mel
wow. As a 13 year old my knolage is limited but if you are really going throug that I have to sudgest going to a family member. Unless you don’t have any….. At least go see a doctor. A reason women live longer than men(or from what I’ve been told) is cause they take better car of themselves and if they have a problem they suck it up and go see a doctor. So yeah that’s al I can say.

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