Please Help Me With My Situation, Tell Me What My “symptoms” Mean?
Question by Skipper: Please help me with my situation, tell me what my “symptoms” mean?
I realise this is long, but it would mean a lot to me if you could take the time to help me. Also, please dont comment saying that I ‘should seek religion’ or that ‘I’m just crazy’.
I think logically, but I feel as though I almost have a ‘second brain’ not so much a second personality, but a place a drift off to often. I had an extended period of time about a year and a half ago now, when I was constantly seeing things and hearing voices and talking to myself without realising it. During this time I went to the doctor (under my mothers orders) and he told me I may have borderline schizophrenia (I’m aware that is not its correct term/name), so he forwarded me to a psychologist. I hated the psychologist, as I thought she was trying to get inside my head and change me, I didn’t talk to her much and it was obvious I didn’t want to be there. Since then I’ve gotten better, I think that period was from a lot of stress I was under at the time, nowadays I’m alright. Though I have (what I would call) near severe paranoia (looking over my shoulder every few minutes, being wary of people on the street, constantly planning for the worse, not wanting to sit down from fear of being vulnerable if somebody attacked me, constantly have a feeling of being watched, suspecting everyone of plotting against me or wanting to hurt me, always expecting to be killed at any second, ect) I’m also incredibly jumpy, one little sound or unexpected movement can make me jump out of my skin. I wouldn’t say I have OCD, but I do have a routine I MUST abide by every night before I go to bed, which is:
1) Walk to light switch on the wall
2) Bend over and look under my bed
3) Turn light off
4) Walk over to bed and get in
5) Using my phone or iPod light, look under my bed again
And then, and only then can I go to sleep. I’m also really conscious of germs, and feel dirty if I touch heaps of things in public. I also smell things a lot, including things I’m about to eat and even the dishes I’m about to eat off.
I constantly have thoughts of killing people, and strong impulses of hurting strangers in public. And I have to mention I do see apparitions of people or things, usually dead things. But it’s not as frequent as it used to be (during that period of time mentioned earlier). But I just put this down to ghosts, as now it only happens in my house (whereas it use to happen everywhere), and my mother has experienced it too.
But the thing is, I’m aware of it all. I think logically and think a lot, my mind is always racing.
I often feel like I’m on the edge, almost toppling over the edge, of insanity. I often enter “another reality” and get lost in my thoughts and imagination.
What I’m really concerned about, is that I actually want to lose myself. In that, when I’m in this state of unbalance, I feel really happy and good, and wish I could stay there forever.
But, if I’m aware of this, then does that mean there’s nothing wrong with me?
I realise my question is not very detailed and a bit confusing and I’ve probably left out a lot, but I would appreciate your opinions if you could make any sense out of my situation. Thanks!
Best answer:
Answer by Shinily Sona
u should see on dictionary or inter.net
What do you think? Answer below!