Looking for Advice/answers From Someone Who Has More Knowledge of “alcoholism”.?
Question by Donna: Looking for advice/answers from someone who has more knowledge of “alcoholism”.?
I am 41 and in a relationship with the father of our 2-yr. old. He was released from prison this last Oct.,2009, for his 5th DUI. He had in a letter mentioned that he hadn’t planned on drinking, but, maybe an after dinner drink on occasion when he got out. Since his return, he hasn’t gone out and gotten wasted the way he had before prison, but, he does still drink at least a few times a month at best. He hangs back out with the same guys he hung out with before he went to prison and sometimes drinks with them. He got mad at me just last week and walked out and came back a few hours later asking for my phone to get a ride home. (22 miles away) I looked at him noticed and mentioned that he’d been out drinking as I could see it in his actions/behavior and said, “no” to the phone and he walked away. I ended up going and persuading him to get in the car and come back to my apartment and get dry since it was raining. He informed me today that he wouldn’t be available til after the football game. I’m assuming he’s watching it at a bar since he can’t stand being around his parents who’s health is deteriorating fairly quickly between diabetes and M.S. and now Alzheimer’s, but, that was the only place he had left to reside coming out of prison and that his probation officer would I’m assuming he’s drinking, but, don’t know for sure. I’m afraid I’ve come to expect the worst, as when I don’t, it’s like being kicked right in the behind when the truth is learned. Once again, he is not ALWAYS guilty of consuming, but, he still does and I feel concerned about it. I’m just not sure what to expect, wondering if I’m wasting my time? He says he’s limiting his drinking and his kids won’t see him wasted anymore like they used to either. I’m afraid that if I allow myself to continue on in this relationship that I’m, and my kids, will end up getting hurt and likely confused, for our little guy. I don’t know if I’m supposed to wait around for him to hit “rock bottom” or if it should accept his choices, although, I’m pretty sure that it is NOT acceptable behavior. He’s pretty stubborn and seems to think I’m over-reacting about his drinking as it’s not nearly as much or even half as often as it used to be, but, is that enough? I just feel stuck between loving him and keeping myself and my family out of harms way, meaning not getting hurt. Even so, with him seems to come his addiction and I’m not confident enough with myself to be sure and take the best steps for me and my kids. I’m also curios to know if his moodiness could have anything to do with a sort of withdrawal from that poison, or if it’s in his personality as he gets hurtful and seems to care less about my feelings in it all. He’s not one to say “sorry” either as he feels he has nothing to be sorry about. EVER! Could I please get some advice from someone who probably knows better. I understand that I may be more attracted to someone with that quality, as my father too, is a recovering alcoholic. The list to speak to a counselor or therapist is well over a year of waiting on a list and I don’t want to waste away my life on bad choices, so please help me out someone, I’m exhausted on what else I can do or what to make of it all. Thank you all for input on this issue.
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