I Need More Advice About Husband’s Drinking…?
Question by toshia_hyatt: I need more advice about husband’s drinking…?
O.k. here we go…This is really hard for me but I need help. I’m 23 years old, my husband is 26, & we have an 8 1/2 month old son (my world). My husband has always been a pretty heavy drinker but we’ve been together for almost 6 years & I was so young when we 1st got together that I didn’t care or even notice that much because I drank back then too. Anyhow, he got 1 DUI/DWI when we first started dating & I just let that one go…he got charged with that one. He almost got another one (a few years later) when he got mad at me one night & took off…paid a lawyer & beat it (never went on his record) but by this time I’ve realized he has a problem & at first I didn’t know how to deal with him. I’d rant & rave, scream & yell, cry & fight with him…to no avail. I couldn’t understand why “we” as his family were not enough to just make him quit. Did he not love us like we loved him? Should I honestly try to get him to change? What’s wrong with me? Is he gonna screw up again & cost us more money? All of these questions ran through my head day after day…I have become his “enabler” & am “codependent” on him–I know this in my heart because I find myself trying to help him weasel his way out of things to save us money or for him to keep his license (the 1st DUI is off his record & he got his CDL’s & began driving a truck…his supposed dream job) Like just last week, he got charged with another DUI (on a friggin’ 3-wheeler this time) & if he does happen to get out of this one & manage to save his license he will still be forking out hard earned money (around $ 4000) for a good lawyer who can help him. So, I left…I took my son & we moved back in with my parents. I told him when he decided to get help & straighten out his life for “himself” — that I may come back. If not, after awhile, I’ll divorce him & find somebody that can make me happy. I do love him, don’t get me wrong, with all my heart & soul. I’d walk to the ends of the earth for him but I know that I am also “weak” against him because I love him so & just want him to do better. My question that I need some help with is “Do you think I should stay away from him completely (as far as me, not his son; I can’t keep him away) or should I include him in some things (family events), go to dinner with him, a movie or something, & go back to my mother’s house…no overnight stays & only every now & then to give him some sort of incentive or hope that he has a chance to possibly get his life back?” He’s stayed sober for months at a time but he’s more of a binge drinker…when he does it, he does it big. He’s starting AA on his own for the first time tomorrow & I’m going to start Al anon just in case he’s too far gone & I have to divorce him–I can deal with it better. That’s the last thing I want but I have to do what’ s best for my son. I guess I just feel so bad because I love to be around him sober (we’re perfect, so to speak) & going from seeing a person everyday of your life pretty much to not seeing them at all is drastic & just as heartbreaking as being with him. I’m going to stick to my guns & stay at my mother’s just to see what he’s going to do on his own but I just wanted to see what someone else thought about basically just “dating” until he either proves to be one thing or another…I know nothing else to do because even though he’s done some stupid things & I think he’s just ignorant at times my heart longs for him. He’s not verbally or physically abusive, he does work everyday, he’s a very active person, but he’s still young, too. I guess he’s what you call a functional alcoholic (from what I’ve read) The only thing we’ve ever really fought about was “his drinking or something to do with drinking” I used to drink with him but not anymore, I just don’t desire to after all I’ve been through with it. I don’t want my son growing up to think that its o.k. to drink all the time & he’s got his options–he can take ’em of leave ’em. Tell me what ya’ll think!!
Best answer:
Answer by Anon E. Moose
Wall-of-Text!
Alcohol rules – stop being such a nag.
What do you think? Answer below!