How to Tell if Someone Is Truly Remorseful?
Question by Clarity: How to tell if someone is truly remorseful?
If someone makes the same mistakes over and over, could they truly be remorseful? Are some people just stuck in a certain behavior and can’t dictate themselves out? Is forgiving them automatically putting myself as the victim again? When do I know the person will never change and they have no remorse for the pain they have caused?
Best answer:
Answer by Robert
A great question that I have given much thought to over the last couple years.
“If someone makes the same mistakes over and over, could they truly be remorseful?”
I believe so. For example an alcoholic who cannot stop drinking will feel great remorse upon each relapse.
“Are some people just stuck in a certain behavior and can’t dictate themselves out?”
Sure, in some cases… like the practicing alcoholic.
“Is forgiving them automatically putting myself as the victim again?”
Often times yes. If someone hurts you and you forgive them, especially if they have apologized, and they continue the harmful behavior… then yes, you can be placing yourself in a position to be hurt again and again. Fool me once, shame on you… fool me twice, shame on me.
“When do I know the person will never change”
This cannot be accurately determined as some people do change for the better over time. I would say stay away from a person who harms you until they have shown a tangible long lasting change.
“and they have no remorse for the pain they have caused?”
If one feels no remorse it should be self evident. If there is no apology or even an admittance of wrong doing then you have to assume that they do not see what they did as wrong. I have faced this recently and it has caused me much grief. The only thing you can do in this situation if forgive them as best you can and distance yourself from them.
Add your own answer in the comments!
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