Alcoholic Spouse: Why Am I Always So upset..What Can I Do? Sorry This Is LONG?

Question by M: Why am I always so upset..What can I do? Sorry this is LONG?
Well, I guess it all started when I was little. My mom & dad were married, but my dad was an alcoholic. He apparently kidnapped me when I was just a baby (only for a day) but the cops said they couldn’t do anything about it because he was my dad, and he was married to my mom, so my mom divorced him (they still saw each other though) and he was still in my life until I was about 5. (they stopped seeing each other) He still came around to see me though, until I was 9.. My mom met this guy and they were dating for a day (he was a truck driver) he was a really nice guy & my mom told him he could stay with us, like move in. Everything was “OK” until about a year later. My mom would work in the day time and things changed. While she was at work one day, my little brother and I went to eat something in the kitchen, and Mark comes out of the bedroom and get’s onto us for eating. He said “What are you doing?!” I told him we were hungry and he said “Umm. Didn’t you JUST eat?” I told him we ate earlier that day and then he said “Well, you don’t need to eat until your mom gets home and you can have supper”…My mom wouldn’t be home for another 3 hrs. So my brother and I went to his room to watch TV and I heard something. It was Mark in the kitchen eating. I was so hurt/confused. This went on for at least another 2 years, I told my mom a few times, and she yelled at him for it and they argued. But he was clever. He would treat me and my brother like crap and then 30 minutes or so before my mom got home he would try to make it up to us, so we wouldnt tell (im guessing) Well when I was 13 my mom would yell at me for something, and then he would join in. She didn’t care. Well, I started having thoughts of suicide and everytime these Fights/arguments took place I would run into the bathroom, and one day I looked down and saw my makeup brush. I had an idea that I could shove it down my throat and choke myself until I died.. I don’t know what happened but Mark and I were actually getting along when I was 14 (last April-June) but it didn’t last very long. Now I am 15 and I am still afraid of going to the kitchen to eat because Im afraid that he will come out of the bedroom to yell at me (when my mom is gone). He was recently laid off, so he is at home everyday..Even though he doesn’t yell at me and my brother, he still glares at me or “growls” i don’t really know how to explain it. But I was sitting in the living room watching TV (my mom was at work) and he walks past to go to the kitchen and I heard him mumble something, then he walked by to go to the bedroom and I heard him mumble “Of course..” then a few days ago he mumbled “Yep..” I try to tell my mom how I feel, but it seems like she loves him more than she loves me, and we argue all the time, I am always crying, I spend the majority of my time in my room “hiding” so I don’t get glared at by Mark.. I try telling her I don’t want a father-figure at all living here, and she gets mad and walks off. I haven’t saw my real dad in 6 years, I just recently saw him at Walmart though, and when I got home I cried.. I don’t know what to do to show my mom how I feel. I need help, I know I do. But she ignores me. I’m just hurt I don’t have any grandparents (they are all gone except my real dads mom and I haven’t saw her in 8 years, until recently) and I feel like my mom hates me because she won’t listen, I feel useless and ugly and I tell my mom I want to leave. She either ignores me or won’t let me go anywhere. I really don’t care if I die at this point because honestly I feel that it would be better for me. I would be happy for once.. I really need some help and advice. What do I do?!

Best answer:

Answer by Jeremiah
What you should do, is email me. I don’t like seeing other people suffer because their parent is afraid of losing their “spouse”. I want to help you and I don’t want you to feel alone anymore. so shoot me an email
[email protected]

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