Husband Has Persecution Complex?
Question by Linda I: Husband has persecution complex?
I’ve been married for 22 years. My husband has always had issues — when I met him, he was an alcoholic. He’s been dry for our entire marriage, but he still has an addict’s personality. For the last couple of years, he’s started to get more and more overly sensitive. He’s sure God, the world, other drivers, his friends, family and us are all against him. If a driver cuts him off, it can’t just be an accident – that driver did it purposely! If a big bill comes in, it’s because God hates him and nothing in his life goes right. He has a hair-trigger temper – if anyone disagrees with him, it’s not that maybe they have a different perspective — they’re against him and not respecting him. Tonight we got a new pet and we were all throwing out names, trying to settle on one. We asked him for his opinion. He said it didn’t matter because no one ever agrees with him or liked the names he picked. I guess we were all supposed to feel terrible and beat ourselves up. He lost his temper and now is spewing all over FB about his terrible family. Even if I roll away from him in bed while I’m ASLEEP, he tries to make me feel bad for rejecting him. He’s so needy, his friends and family have stopped responding to him. He accuses his pastor of not paying him enough attention because he doesn’t call him or respond to his FB posts. If anyone has a different opinion, he takes it extremely personally, and yet he tries to lead people into controversial discussions.For example, we settled on a two-day vacation. At the last minute, he decided he wanted to go for three days. Daughter and I had other plans for the third day (work, for one). He totally blew up, ran away from home for the day because he felt he didn’t mean anything to us because we had different plans. This is a typical “love test” he sets up — he sets an unreasonable expectation for us, and when we fail or refuse to play his game, he spins off into a tantrum. He’s done a lot of damage to our marriage over the last few years because he’s been making female friends online (including getting in touch with old girlfriends) and staying up late to FB chat with them. But I’m not allowed to say anything, or else he spirals into a fit. He’s destroying his relationship with his son — if our son, who is a wonderful 13 year old, does or says anything contrary to what Daddy wants or is a little slow to do a chore, Daddy explodes and takes it personally and goes off on a hurtful tirade. Son has already been in counseling for this. Daughter cannot wait to leave for college. I’m trying to hold the marriage together, but I am so sick and tired of having to be a Stepford Wife just to keep from setting off the ticking time bomb I’m married to. (He is not physically abusive in any way — and at times he can be perfectly fine! That’s the hardest part — if he was a jerk all the time, decisions would be easier). We’ve had long talks about this, and he thinks it’s the rest of the world and everyone else, not him. He’s baffled by why people turn away from him. I try to explain that he’s DRIVING people away from him. I’ve asked him to go into counseling, and I hope he does, but I’m so sick of this, I’m already making a five-year plan to be financially self-sufficient. I’m the breadwinner in the family. He hates his job, feels everyone there is out to get him, and works as little as humanly possible. Any advice on how to fix or ease this situation? I would be so happy to hear from anyone who has been through something similar.
I should add that my son has begged me not to divorce his father until he (son) is older. So that leaves me in quite a bad spot.
Best answer:
Answer by A Canadian
Your son has had to go through counselling because of his father’s abuse and your daughter can’t wait to leave home because of him. Wake up! You owe it to your children to protect them from this…you must leave and get them away from him until he gets help. If you wait 5 years, even more damage will be done to your kids.
No matter what your kids want, you have a moral obligation to do what is in their best interest.
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