Living With an Alcoholic: Taking My Kid From His Mom/rant?
Question by Ricky Garcia: Taking my kid from his mom/rant?
This is the first question I’ve ever posted so I’m not exactly where to start.
Well, we were married for a short 14 months because we got pregnant. It was an ugly relationship, and an ugly divorce. I was 19 and she was 21 I still love for her but it is a dead relationship so I try to keep her out and my son in. Of course I have to talk to her, she’s my kids mom. We used to fight and bicker, but I’ve grown tired of that and know it doesn’t help my child, me, or his mom.
I now live with my parents, yes, my parents. It is humbling, but I’m not a bum! It has been four years now (my kid is 3 and a half) I pay my child support, I’ve got through 2 years of college (not stopping!), Never been late on child support, been talking him one week every month, buy 100% of his clothes, makes sure he is loved, I’ve grown emotionally (I was a real jerk), and despite living back with parents I know I’ve matured. Sorry about the run on sentence.
I wish I could say the same for her, she’s always been stubborn, ill tempered, and irrational, as we both were. But that is just the tip of the ice burg. Since she was 16 she has been a heavy drinker. Th
When she has a really big problem, she tends to call me. Why? I have no idea. But it is usually really serious, I do it for my son, and sadly, because I love her.
Which brings me to my real concern. Her sister died a week ago (may she be well where ever she is). She told me the news and I felt terrible. She really needed me to take him. So I said I would. Now we live 2 and a half hours away from each other. I agreed to A) Pick him up at 9 am B) Take him to the funeral C) Watch him for the day D) Get a hotel room and keep him overnight. Keep in mind, I just paid child support and had to take work off! Damn makes get stressed just thinking about it. But my baby (son) needed me so I did what I had to.
However the real stress is when she called me a couple days later. She broke down and told me she had no one to talk to crying, yelling, swearing, asking for advice (what the hell am I suppose to say), and then, that she can’t handle it because she is an alcoholic and can’t numb the pain of her sister. Those icy words “I’m an alcoholic” have been just haunting my mind and has been so hard to deal with. She went on saying how she just “drinks her self away”.
Who is watching him? How is she supporting this habit? What does she do after her hang over? Is she drunk around him? GOD SO MANY QUESTIONS! My heart is breaking for my son.
Anyways I told her we need to talk about it. she said, “We’ll talk now”. That was a day after the funeral.
So we discussed it. We were both upset, she was yelling, telling me that just because I have education and do what I like doesn’t mean she isn’t a good person. Why am I telling you this? Cause it was just as random in person!
Anyways, I told her look “Step up, or Step down”. Then going into detail saying look he needs to be with his father. He has a great support system here, a more stable parent, and a higher quality of life. I was done arguing to her, I couldn’t talk to her. I know this is a bias rant but I honestly can’t get through to her. comments like “Since you’ve known me I’ve drank and I’ll be drinking until I’m 70 years old!” and things like “That divorce didn’t change me ONE BIT. I’m still the same person.” This makes me so hurt and depressed. I told her we need to do the best for our son. She is going to seriously think about it.
So on top of all this, I have to worry about the stress of very quite possibly taking my son full time. Don’t get me wrong it is a blessing and I want him in my life, it is just so much to process in a short time. It is so hard, I need to get my son out of there. I don’t want to take his mother out of his life but, he needs to be here.
It is more than alcohol now. It is her life style, the way she raises him. Her family is amazed that he minds his father. He’s with the baby sitter while she goes out to bars. How do I know? Long story short, the baby sitter told me. I brushed it off but after this I can’t.
I know this is all over the place but I needed another outlet. I’m at my rope and nearly in tears. Please give advice.
P.S. Oh and as we all know there are two sides of the story. She truly loves her son, she doesn’t hurt him, from what I’ve seen, I know she wants to be a good mom. She just can’t get there.
Best answer:
Answer by Ricardo
I would suggest the biggest thing to do is take the baby for a couple months and tell her to willingly go to aa meetings not for herself but to do this for her child as well like you said she loves the child to she wants to be a good mom hope everything turns out great:) i give my condolences
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