Did Anyone Else Experience Infidelity With an Alcoholic Spouse?
Question by Im Notnaiveanymore: Did anyone else experience infidelity with an alcoholic spouse?
I have been married for five years, together for ten. My husband is an alcoholic, now in recovery. When we met, he didn’t seem to drink any more than my other friends, and over the years we had a great relationship that everyone envied. I never worried about him being unfaithful, but I slowly did start to worry about his drinking. It seemed to be getting worse. Over the last two years, our life began falling apart – his disease progressed rapidly and his drinking and drug use became priority number one. The meaner he got, the more I pulled away from him and shut down. I started seeing a counselor and tried to prepare myself to leave if he didn’t get sober. While our life was reaching a crisis point, I found out he was cheating on me with a girl he worked with, a fellow drinker, and someone with no self-respect – a real catch. It wasn’t just a one-night stand, it was five months of sneaking around behind my back. I always thought if I ever found out he had cheated, I would leave and never look back – it turns out that was not my immediate reaction. I just saw it so tied into his alcoholic behavior, I wasn’t ready to give up on him. I thought, “the addiction is controlling him – it’s not the real him.” Plus, I was still in shock and denial, and confused about this turn my life was taking. So, I found out, went back home to my home town, and he went to detox. I told him I didn’t know if I could get over the cheating or not, but I knew I couldn’t get over the drinking, so if he wanted me in his life, he had better start with getting sober and we would take it from there. I came back, he was not sober despite going to detox, so I kept my distance, trying again to prepare myself to leave him for good. Finally, by the grace of God, and without me really knowing why (he says it was me), he checked into rehab and has now been sober almost two months. He is like a different person, which my counselor says is the miracle of rehab. He is fully committed to recovery and completely remorseful for what he put me through. That’s all fine and dandy, but I’m left in the wake of the damage storm his addiction ripped through our lives. I understand that cheating is a “symptom of the disease,” I just can’t believe he took it so far and for so long. I don’t know what to do. I know I need to be patient, and give it time, and he really wants us to go to counseling and is trying to earn back my trust, but I just don’t want to be stupid anymore, I don’t want to be lied to anymore, I just am so angry that I’m even in this position right now. It’s just that the cheating (as far as I know) was such a huge anamoly in our relationship. It seems like it only happened because his disease was at its peak level of destruction. He really was my soul mate – if you subtract that devil addiction. So now what? He is sober, so does that mean he’s going to stop lying? Never cheat on me again? I’m just so messed up. Even if it was part of the disease, it still happened and I still totally don’t trust him. Sorry, I don’t even know if I have a question! I just never hear about infidelity at Al-Anon and am wondering what other people’s experiences are. Did you stay together? Did you split up? Did it feel like a new beginning once your partner was sober? Did you forgive everything the disease brought into your life? I’m so sad because it’s like the addiction took him away from me. Eff addiction, seriously. Any input is appreciated!!! :)
Best answer:
Answer by David
my dad
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