Advice on Breaking Off an Engagement?
Question by Steph L: Advice on breaking off an engagement?
Our relationship is such a mess. We live four hours apart, we have for our entire relationship. We went on our first date in October 2007, and after that, we’d call each other now and then, or I’d drive to see him. He was also busy with schoolwork or family problems when I’d call, and he would never commit to us actually being “in a relationship” though I asked numerous times. Finally, in May 2008, when he graduated college (mind you, never invited me to any of that) we completely lost contact. I was a little down that it happened, but I just moved on with my life, dated other guys and went on like normal. Then, out of the blue in October 2008, he sends me an IM and starts talking like normal. Apparently, to him, we’ve been together this entire time. He tells me he loves me, which I stupidly said back, I believe out of reflex. So he tells me that over the summer, he went through detox because he was an alcoholic in college – which he never came across as but I guess that’s his call. Therefore we can just pick up where we left off and everything is fine. Well, he finds out that not only did I date other men while we were “still together” but I slept with two of them which of course is the ultimate betrayal (I’m not mocking that cheating is the ultimate betrayal, I’m just mocking him.) From him finding this out in either January or February 2009, my life has been hell since then. From the time he gets off work or I get out of class, whichever is later, I am on the phone with him until we go to sleep. No time for homework, friends, family or just myself. I feel that every comment I make is scrutinized, for example me saying how cute this old guy was at a picnic meant hours of being yelled at/given the silent treatment. He has threatened suicide because I “cheated” on him, told me he will never get over it, will always have to live with the fact that he was not good enough for me. He made up rules for me, that this past summer I had to live with him and his family and do my internship in his town, even though I had one set up in my town. I was not allowed to go out with friends, to drink any alcohol when he was not with me. It was a lot like being grounded, just work and school, then my apartment.
The thing is, whenever we’re together, we rarely have problems. It is when I’m up North going to college and he’s in his hometown working that there are so many problems daily that make me want to run away. And whenever I bring up ending the relationship, he just tells me that it is just me giving up on us again like I did when I cheated on him. Our wedding plans have stalled because I cannot put any heart into it. Honestly, I’m not even sure I love him. All I feel that he does is throw comments I have made or things I have done back in my face when it is convenient for him, or sweet talking me when that works better in his favor.
I am not sure if just breaking the engagement, but remaining together is reasonable or if I really should just “give up on us” so I can be free.
Best answer:
Answer by grammie
Runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. You are asking for trouble if you stay with this idiot.
He sounds veryyyyyyyyyy controlling. And your life would be all about him and what he wants.
Give your answer to this question below!