Alcohol Abuse Advice

Question by Lakin: Wanting to leave an abusive boyfriend?
I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. We are both only 20 years old. I know that I have so much life ahead of me and I don’t need to be stuck with one person. But I feel like I am going through emotional-hell right now. I know other woman out there have been abused and I want advice on how I can leave. I’m not afraid that he will come after, I’m more afraid of facing my own emotions and starting over and being on my own. It sounds pathetic because it is. But it’s a reality..

The story is.. the first 6 months of our relationship were abuse free. Although he has always been very jealous since the start and he is an alcoholic and has been for a very long time. (His father was also an alcoholic and beat his mom and even tried killing her before she finally left him) Anyway, so once we started getting more serious, he would start getting very abusive verbally, by calling me names and yelling at me over what seemed like stupid small things. And to make things worse, he did this infront of all his friends and my friends and even infront of his own brother and sister. He would humiliate me and try to make me look crazy. When my friends would try to stick up for me, he would put them down by calling them names and then tell me I can not hang out with that person anymore (which never worked but he tried.) Eventually this kind of abusive slowly started to get worse. He would spit in my face almost every time he was upset with me about something. He would spit on me when I was driving if we were arguing and once he slammed my head into the window while I was driving on the freeway. He punched my windsheild and cracked it and also slammed my door so hard that it broke and would no longer close. He pushes me around when we argue and slams my head into the wall. If I fall down then he picks me up by my hair to make me stand up again. He throws his beer on me infront of all our friends and even sometimes our neighbors. He humiliates me completely and makes me look like an idiot. I’ve always hoped one of his friends would stand up to him, but it’s never happened. My guess is because they are scared of him. (He has a history of fighting and beating up people, in fact he’s taking anger management right now for breaking someone’s nose.) We have pets together that I keep at my parents’ house just because they get so afraid when he yells and I can’t take it. I’ve kept this abusive from my parents throughout the whole relationship and they think that he is “perfect.” I try to keep it hidden from anyone and I guess that’s because I don’t want to accept it myself. I want us to be that “perfect relationship” that I try to display. But really it’s beggining to kill me on the inside.

I’ve put up with this for too long and I want to leave. But I feel so sucked into this relationship that I’ve forgotten how to just be “me” instead of “us”. When I’ve tried leaving him in the past, I’ve always ended up going back to him because I can’t stand feeling alone and I tend to remember the “good” side of him rather than the bad…which makes this whole thing so hard. When I try to communicate about his abusive behavior, he always responds with “Why don’t you just call the cops on me then you stupid b*tch. You’re always trying to put me in jail.” Either that or the infamous, “I’m sorry I did that but you were being a b*tch.” Sometimes he acts like he doesn’t even care if we broke up and that he doesn’t care about me and yada yada. It’s very emotionally draining. I feel that I have been broken down as far as it gets. I don’t know how he would act if I really were to move on? I want him to realize how he is and hopefully never treat his next girlfriend this way. I know I am not the only one who has felt this way. If there is anyone who can give me advice, I really could use it.

Best answer:

Answer by Stephanie Hernandez
Just break up with him. But I recommend bringing someone with you just in case he gets aggressive.

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