I Can’t Stop Sabotaging My Own Life!?
Question by betty: I can’t stop sabotaging my own life!?
My upbringing is not that unique, divorced parents when young, a nice but absent dad, an alcoholic mom, me getting involved in a serious long (10 years) relationship at 15 yrs old, to a guy with degrading views on girls, me loosing myself completely trying to make my parents happy, my ex happy, then my husband happy, my step daughter happy, my own kids happy, my friends happy…etc
I have never even allowed myself to try to be happy bc I simply don’t know how to. I feel the most alive when I have “helped” someone else. Then I feel a sense of self worth if only for the moment.
Needless to say I have been used a bit and not very appreciated (expect from my own children like children mostly do love their parents regardless of what’s going on).
I am now 39 and feel like I’m sinking in to major crisis. I am already on anti depressants, anti anxiety medications, I have terrible mood swings and feel like the biggest looser that has ever lived. I did so good in High School and I wanted to study more but I can’t stop telling myself “what’s the use you’ll never amount to anything anyway” so I don’t even try. Or there is so much I dream of, that I can’t decide…and then I don’t try..bc I’ll just fail or make a bad decision anyway…
My husband has never tried to help or support me either. I’m only good to him as long as I help him and is there for HIM but when I need to talk or just need a shoulder or his friendship, he looks the other way. I hate myself for marrying him too! Seems like I choose partners that treats me like crap…?
I am my own worst enemy!
Help?
Best answer:
Answer by ihatepenndot
Sounds like my manic-depressive phases snapping back and forth, your description. Meds aren’t always the answer. There’s a book I recommend to everyone who needs peace, and we m-d sort need it more than most…”We’re All Doing Time”, by Bo Lozoff.
Gotta forgive yourself to love yourself…have to love yourself to be yourself….have to be yourself to ever be happy.
Peace, and Good Luck
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