Alcohol Abuse Advice

Am I An Addict?

“You cannot run away from a weakness; you must fight it out or perish; and if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?” – Robert Lewis Stevenson

In this article I will introduce you to some of the common signs and symptoms of addiction that I have ran into as an Addiction Counselor. It is hoped that one will have the courage to honestly examine themselves against these signs and symptoms and if necessary make the changes to live a more productive life. Not many people like to consider themselves as having an addiction of any sort. Recent studies suggest that approximately 10% of individuals who seek professional help with addiction issues do so on their own. That means that approximately 90% of those who seek help are coerced by some external source. Either by a family member, friend or the law.

One of the most pervasive challenges in dealing with addiction to nude photos is denial. During the past number of years and particularly since the introduction of the Internet the world has become so desensitized to the issues surrounding immorality that we no longer know where to look for what is normal behavior. What is addiction? There are numerous definitions of addiction but they all seem to have a few things in common. A return to unwanted behaviors that are associated with negative consequences after one has made a personal commitment to stop them. These behaviors are induced by unwanted strong and persistent cravings.

It is important to understand at the outset that indecent images are extremely addictive by its very nature. People in the adult industry understand this very well and know how easy it is to manipulate people by their material. The adult industries are making millions of dollars off the natural vulnerabilities of people. What they offer destroys meaningful relationships quicker than anything else I’ve seen in my clinical practice. It trumps depression, anxiety and even drug addiction in its ability to destroy trust and peace of mind. The adult industry would have you believe that their material is harmless. Nothing could be further from the truth. Listen in part to an email I received recently. “My fiancé has a serious addiction to looking at immoral images online. I’m slowly falling out of love with him because of this… I have no clue of what to do. This has broken my heart into a billion pieces. I don’t know if I will ever feel good enough again or if I want to even marry him”. Intimacy can be a strong and binding force between two people when based on trust, commitment and fidelity. It is a very personal and private part of any relationship. Those who make this private part of their lives public lose a part of themselves in the process. Those who view the private intimate lives of others through immorality also have something drawn out of them. Clients have described it this way to me, “When I’m viewing these inappropriate images I feel like my positive energy is being sucked out of me and then replaced by this negative energy that leaves me feeling heavy, dark, depressed and ugly.”

I find it interesting that every time a client talks about a slip or a relapse they always say this same thing “I feel dark, anxious, depressed, frustrated etc.” Never in the 20 years that I’ve been doing this clinical work have I had a client come to me and say “I feel really good inside about my last slip or relapse.” For the most part, those who regularly view this stuff or even produce it would describe themselves as moral and ethical people. How could this be? Addiction have a tremendous capacity to skew the normal thinking processes in the brain. Viewing adult images directly has a tremendous capacity to stimulate a certain part of the brain known as the limbic system. Once this part of the brain is stimulated in certain ways it is very difficult if not impossible to control. This part of the brain has the capacity to induce behaviors that are against ones own personal values and morals. The limbic system can do this because of its capacity to influence and inhibit another part of our brain known as the Pre-frontal cortex or rational/logical brain. The limbic system does not feel guilt nor does it care about consequences because those functions take place in the pre-frontal cortex.

This is why one can watch and be stimulated by images that otherwise would seem disgusting. The moral part of the brain has checked out and is no longer functioning properly. When this part of the brain has checked out all sorts of strange behaviors can occur. The limbic system works on the premise of more and more pleasure while simultaneously having no morals or concerns about consequences because those functions only come into play when the pre-frontal cortex is functioning properly. One can get to the point where the limbic system is almost completely controlling a person’s life. When ones moral system comes back on board that is when feelings of guilt and remorse are noticed more fully.

How does one come to accept the truth about themselves? As many clients have told me, “there are different levels of honesty.” I’ve had some clients report that there are times when they have not been completely honest even in therapy sessions. Upon reflection however, they were able to recognize that they just weren’t ready to admit to themselves the truth. Wrestling with the truth inside ourselves requires that we face its opposite, which is denial. Denial is a very quick and powerful mechanism to drown out the feelings of truth.

Facing the truth about oneself can cause emotional pain. The very nature of the addicted brain is to avoid pain at all cost. The addicted brain has learned to interpret pain as a threat to survival and therefore employs the very powerful force of denial. In order for one to get better and to grow emotionally, one must learn to face and accept the truth about themselves. There are really only two ways to deal with this dilemma. One either makes a decision to face hard personal questions about themselves, or one becomes more hardened and self-justified. If one becomes more hardened they will use one of four psychological principles to continue in the behavior. Social psychologist Albert Bandura posed the question, “How can otherwise moral individuals act behaviorally in ways that appear so clearly at odds with their espoused values”? Through years of research he came up with the following answers.

    * Moral Justification “It’s my right I am an adult”, “No one can tell my what to do.” “How is this hurting anyone?”

    * Dehumanization “There just pictures, I’m not having a relationship with them” “It’s just fantasy it’s not real”

    * Minimizing “It is no big deal” “What I am doing is my business and it doesn’t affect anyone else.” “Quit making such a big deal about it.” “It’s just a a few images, everybody does it.”

    * Displacing Responsibility “It’s not my fault” “If you were in my circumstances you would do the same thing.” “I can’t help looking at these images if it’s everywhere.”

The following are some of the most common signs and symptoms that have been reported to me from clients over the years who have struggled with addiction. It is my hope that you will have the courage to examine yourself against these signs and symptoms to see where you stand. Be honest with yourself and know that there is help available, if you seek it.

Common Signs and Symptoms of Addiction

    * Disengaged

    * Not fully present when with others

    * Exhaustion – both physically and emotionally

    * Feel like two different people

    * Secret behaviors

    * Embarrassed about personal behaviors

    * Deliberately vague: Omit facts, distort truth when questioned and stay out of the light.

    * Avoid direct questions

    * Tend to isolate

    * Easily frustrated

    * Use anger as a weapon to control others

    * Low self-esteem

    * Build up self by putting others down

    * Fatigue

    * Foggy mind

    * Attempt to change the subject and confuse by introducing irrelevant material.

    * Agree without commitment (say ‘yes’ without any commitment to it)

    * Claim to be changed after doing the right thing only briefly.

    * Accuse others of misunderstanding.

If you recognize these signs and symptoms in your life, know that there is help available. The information in the InnerGold Manual has helped many individuals learn the skills and gain the tools necessary to maintain lasting sobriety. One client recently wrote, “What you have spent countless hours developing and perfecting is in my opinion the single most effective recovery program out there. Before meeting you I personally had read half a dozen books (some of which I can`t even remember), and working with dozens of church leaders rarely feeling any permanence in hope and progress…. what is amazing is how many times you have seen people at the end of hope say what I have said after going through your program for a time! How many frustrated and depressed addicts in the world can say this? There are millions of addicts. Hundreds and thousands are likely frustrated and depressed, and of those only a small handful have any hope.”

This article has introduced you to some of the common signs and symptoms of addiction, especially those addicted to the adult nature of online images. If you are struggling with this addiction it is hoped that you will have the courage and faith necessary to do something pro-active about it. Help is now available that is proving to be extremely effective in changing lives for the better.

Addiction is harmful. The battle in overcoming it must be fought on a personal level and not a legal one. This battle will never be won in the courts but in the personal private lives of each person. The only way for this addiction to go away is for people to stop watching it. There is a higher judge that resides in each one of us and we all know what that means if we have the clarity to see and feel it. Viewing adult entertainment is a very serious issue and is destroying the lives of millions of individuals around the world. May you find freedom from its chains through the skills and tools that are now offered to you.

Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for time is the stuff life is made of – Ben Franklin To help you on a weekly basis. We have created a Weekly Boost which will send you motivational, ground breaking, positive advice to help you stay sober through the week.

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