Q&A: My Boyfriend Goes From Being a Totally Normal, Caring Person, to a Really Mean Defensive Jerk When He Drinks?
Question by Lost Girl: My boyfriend goes from being a totally normal, caring person, to a really mean defensive jerk when he drinks?
Ok, so my boyfriend of 4 years (he’s 32) is one of those super nice guys by day, but (sometimes) when he’s had a few drinks…he really gets defensive and mean. It’s gotten worse over the past 1 year or so, or maybe my level of patience has diminished.
For example, we will meet for a dinner somewhere between our houses, and I’m guessing he makes a drink “for the road” before he meets me. This “roadie” will probably consist of 2-3 shots of vodka with some mixer. We’ll have 1 or 2 (usually if I have 1 or 2, he has 3 or 4) drinks at dinner, etc. Then, we’ll talk later in the evening (after we’ve both gone to our homes) and he’s slurring. I’ll ask, “hey, are you ok? How are you slurring? Are you drunk?” Come to find out he’s stopped for a “roadie” beer or 2 on the way home. Mind you, he’s made a whopping 4-5 mile drive home. He gets WAY upset/defensive with me and we usually end up in some sort of arguement over the phone.
This is just one example of the “during the week” issues. The weekends are an entire different story.
My question is…at what point does a person become an “alcoholic?” I know that’s an odd question, but I guess my fear is when do I pull the trigger on this relationship. I don’t do well with quick mood changes, that’s my job (kidding…), and when he drinks super quick like this, he’s really a different person. However, it’s not like he wakes up and drinks, and he doesn’t drink everyday (at least not to my knowledge). So…is he, in fact, an “alcoholic?”
Also, why is the anger honed at me? I’m sure he doesn’t like me nagging him about the drinking, but the guy already has one DWI, and he needs to watch driving around with open containers in the car.
I hate being “mom,” but I also care about what happens to the guy. I knew going in that he had a drinking issue in college and shortly after, but I figured he would outgrow it because most people do when they, I don’t know…have to work and GROW UP???? HELP!
Best answer:
Answer by darling.xx
Weeell. Some people say drinking shows your true colours.
I’d flat-out tell him to stop. I hate jerkish drinkers.
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