Alcohol Abuse Advice

Question by MoMo: How to approach my closet alcoholic roommate…?
I’m a 23 year old female and live with 2 of my closet guy friends who are also 23. We all work in a bar, and granted to drink more than is healthy for us, a few beers or glasses of wine most days during the week. But it has never seemed like something abnormal especially considering our age and occupation. None of us plan on working at a bar for the rest of our lives and hope to get out of the small town that we grew up in. Anyways a few months ago my friend Jim and I started to notice that Henry was starting to drink more than usual and would often have unexplained trips to his car in the front yard. Last week we heard him pull up after work around midnight, and he didn’t stroll into the house until about 15 minutes later, completely out of it and obviously wasted. It worried us that first of all he drove, but secondly that he didn’t have much time after work to get drunk so we figured he was drinking alone in his car. The next morning the boys woke up really early for some manual labor, Henry went out to the car with a cup of cranberry juice and came back slurring his words and the cup was gone. After the boys left I cruised by his car and saw an empty pint of cheap vodka in the back seat.

This was last week and Jim and I have no idea how to approach the situation. I was out of town this weekend and asked what they did when I was gone. Henry didn’t even remember the second bar they went to after work, which was around 7 p.m. So obviously Henry has a drinking problem, Jim and I did a little snooping in his room and didn’t have to look very hard, and found 2 empty bottles of vodka right next to his bed. (This was last night). We have no idea how to approach this situation, the boys have been best friends since they were 5 years old and I have been friends with them since I was 16. We love Henry so much but feel as though it is past the point of him being able to recover without some serious medical help.

We are torn whether or not we should get his parents (who live in the same town) involved, or try and deal with it ourselves. In college he was an athlete, really healthy and attractive, now he shakes when he is not drinking and has gained at least 50 lbs in the passed 8 months. And it is obvious that a bar is no the right environment for him to get sober, and our household is not the best place for someone who is trying not to drink. We would do anything for Henry, even not drink with him (which granted would be really hard for us too).

I guess I am just asking for advice on how to approach a situation like this without attacking him and stories of anyone who is either a recovering alcoholic or someone who has had to approach a good friend who is also an alcoholic.

Thank You

Best answer:

Answer by Mark Mans
My best friend’s Mom is a 20+ yr. sober alcoholic. I KNOW she would do ANYTHING to “help” another “fellow alcoholic”. I just spoke with her to ans. this post! She said alcoholism is a cunning, progressive, addictive killer disease. Unless stopped it keeps getting WORSE as time goes by! IF you think he’s “bad” now, he’s going to keep getting worse as time goes by. She has also “sponsored” other alcoholics in AA & also being married to ex husband’s with alcoholism, also went to Alanon. She said AA saved her life, Alanon saved her sanity! She’d gotten sober & had a couple “slips”. On her last “slip” her adult daughter wrote her a letter. Said she will always keep that letter, as THAT was the thing that got thru to her guilt which alcoholics are FILLED WITH!!! Said she was no longer going to call her anymore after a certain time of the day, she knew she was drunk & it hurt her to listen to her slur her words. Made up her mind she was going to quit & prayed & asked her “higher power” (God) to take away the DESIRE to drink. He DID answer her prayers! Now sober over 20 yrs. & her daughter sends her a card every yr. & gets her a “token gift”. Had it not been for that letter from her daughter, who knows where she’d be today or even if she’d be alive today! She said to tell your friend you’ve noticed at times, many times you two have been concerned about HIS drinking, worrying about his driving drunk, slurring his words, not remembering where they’d been or what they did. (Did this as what is called a “blackout”) Also have noticed his hands shaking because his body is “telling him” to take a drink to stop the shaking, which it DOES! She said BOTH of you should talk to him TOGETHER & let him know how concerned you are about him & you’d do ANYTHING to help him if he wanted. You’d even go to AA mtgs. with him if he wanted. (Yes, you two CAN go to mtgs. with him.) Ask him if he would PLEASE go to a couple/few mtgs. with you. You two also should go to a couple Alanon mtgs. to learn what or how to “deal” with his situation if you call the 800# for alcohol & find the next closest mtgs. to you guys. She said she begged of you to go to Alanon & see what they had to say & you could also ask any questions you’d have. Also PLEASE ask him to go with you to a couple AA mtgs. as you care so much about him & are worried about him. Do an “intervention” with him & let him KNOW all she’s said to say to him. At least you’ve “planted the seed”, he knows you KNOW, you CARE, you’re WORRIED about him. This IS what you TWO ARE to DO about him. PLEASE DO THIS for him! Trust I’ve been of help to you & wish you ALL the BEST!^

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