I’m a Foreign, and I’m Lost and Depressed?
Question by Flory: I’m a foreign, and I’m lost and depressed?
I’m a foreign, and I’m lost and depressed?
Well, 4 months already in America… I’m a Brazilian Chinese girl… so let me tell you what’s happening to me… I hope you really read this and help me
My English is not very good… well you probably are thinking it is, but it’s not. I can write it, but not at all. And my speak is so bad that I want to kill myself. All that I learned was taught by myself. I REALLY like the English language and I’m trying to do my best but I don’t know… I feel like I’m lost.
I have no friends in school… I can speak Chinese and Portuguese… sometimes I talk to Mexicans and other Spanish speakers in school, they’re in my ESOL class (An English class for foreigns)… I don’t want to be their friends because I’m not learning any English… plus they annoy me not studying… one of them is already pregnant and stuff… people who don’t study or don’t take the school serious just annoy me, and I have to admit it, I hate Spanish speakers came from South America. Seriously. I’m from Brazil and we speak Portuguese. And don’t tell me that I’m an ignorant because I’m not. I just want to have a good future.
Well, I’m really alone. It’s been 4 months, and I didn’t learn any English. Seriously. I can’t speak. Every time I try to speak I just fail. I’m 17 years old, and I’m in 9th grade… it’s a lame… and my dream is to get into Harvard… when I see my grades going down because of my language I really, like, really get depressed… how am I supposed to get into that college with 3.25 (or something like that) GPA? I really want to kill myself.
I don’t have a mother anymore and my dad is really different from her… he buys cheap things and doesn’t care about quality… the food, my clothes, my shoes, our things… EVERYTHING. And he doesn’t speak English. He speaks Spanish… Yes, he’s an Asian who speaks Spanish and Chinese.
**** that. I’m always trying to do my best, trying to talk to people. But I just can’t. When I talk to native speakers they just don’t understand and make a creepy face… that’s makes me embarrassed… and I can’t continue… I just say “never mind”. Also, I have some problems with myself. Everyone says I’m pretty and stuff, sometimes I look at the mirror and I think: “Yes, I am”… but sometimes I don’t even want to look.
I’m LITERALLY alone in this world. My counselour is USELESS… she doesn’t want to help you, I mean, at all… when you ask for help all she does is try to “help” you as fast as she can. She doesn’t care, because she has a lot of students waiting for her help. My counselor is a counselor for foreigners… **** that. I hate her so much. I always try to explain to her I want to get into a good college and ask her how can I get into honor classes, and she says, “Well, let me see your grades, oh, you’ll take that class, this class and this class in summer school, so you can graduate FASTER…” instead of talking to me and explain everything, or what I should do and how to get into a good college. I hate her so much. All I want is to speak a good English… I SWEAR…
If I only knew English… this would be LOT easier… **** my life… I was so tired of everything that I was thinking about killing myself. But no… I’ve had such a bad past, and now that I’m in the States I have more opportunity and move on. But I don’t know what to do
Please people any advice? I really need help… like I’m really really sad… I have no friends, my dad is an alcoholic, he doesn’t care about me (he really likes my brother, and doesn’t care about me, LITERALLY) my English is so ******* bad… 9th grade with 17 years old… I’m a ****…
People who don’t study or don’t take the school seriously just annoy me*
Sorry for my bad language, I’m just mad and depressed, I don’t know who I am anymore, haha.
And yeah, I speak (and write) Chinese.
As I said, I’m better at writing, but my speak is just a lame.
I know you guys said I’m intelligent, but I forgot to mention that I think I’m not. Another thing that frustrated me is that I try HARD, people learn things in 3 mins, I need 30 mins. But I have no problem with it I think, I just study more.
The only reason I can speak Portuguese and Chinese fluently is because I’m Brazilian and my parents are Chinese. How does it make me intelligent? :(
And yeah, I’m trying to make smart and intelligent friends, but I’m in “noob” classes, such as Applied Science and Algebra 2 classes (in other words, kids. I don’t want to talk to them and they don’t want to talk to me cause I’m “old”)… not to mention that I have to sacrifice 2 of my 8 classes with Spanish speakers. I learned more Spanish than English, I guess.
but my speaking is a lame*
another thing that frustrates me*
I like playing games, but apparently no one plays League of Legends in my school. I asked some of them and they asked me wtf is that…
Also, I had a friend in my art class, but someone changed my schedule. Now we don’t meet each other anymore. She’s 18 old, and we had a movie night like 2 months ago. I focused so much on my future that I deleted my Facebook (1 month ago already), which means I’m literally alone. She knows I don’t speak English, but we used to talk in Facebook so she liked me. I told her I can write, but I can’t speak and she said, that was okay, I’ll be fine.
My life: I wake up, go to school, come back, do my homework and study till I sleep. Then wake up again… 4 months of pure decadence.
Best answer:
Answer by dug
Edit, wait you can speak chinese TOO?? After college you will be very sought after in the job market. International finance, international relations, international advertising, corporation, etc, sky’s the limit… In fact colleges will seek you too with your interesting background and intelligence and drive, just keep it together, you got this.
it’s only been 4 months and you can write english like that already?? that’s fantastic! AND you speak two other languages?? So few people in American can speak anything other than English! Wow!
You’ll get the spoken language down, you’re clearly intelligent and driven. Just stick it out and go to college where you can hang out with other similarly intelligent people who are hard working – and there, everyone will be new to one another, not like when you started school in America, where most people already knew each other for years.
You’ll make friends – high school is difficult enough for most people in the US as it is, and you have all these complications – new kid means people avoid you; spoken language problem means people hesitate to speak with you. But you sound awesome to me! So, you may have to work a little harder to make friends in your new place, I know that sucks because you’re working hard at those other things.
And yes family can suck…. I dunno, could be worse too? Is there a silver lining there at all?
Maybe find some of the smarter kids in your class and do your best to start talking to them? I suggest the smarter kids because you sound smart and sound like you would connect.
good luck, it’ll be fine, you’re in a rough spot is all.
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