Do You Think There’s Something Wrong With Me? Please Read, It’s Really Important for Me?
Question by ?????: Do you think there’s something wrong with me? Please read, it’s really important for me?
I’ve been wondering whether I’m taking myself and my problems too seriously or if there’s really something wrong with me.By the way, I’m a teenager and I know that teenagers tend to overreact and dramatize everything and I don’t know if I’m any better, so that’s why I ask. Thank you in advance:
– My parents are divorced and my mother doesn’t allow me to see my father and I’m actually fine with that because my father is an alcoholic and very manipulative. I visited him in the beginning but always bursted into tears when I came home, thus my mother didn’t want me to see him anymore. I’m his only child and even though I don’t want to see him I feel like I have to. I try to suppress the memory of him because my heart feels like it’s about to burst whenever I think about him.
– My father abused my mother physically on a daily basis and my sister and I had to watch. My half-sister (I only found out she is not my ‘real’ sister a few years ago) once tried to help my mother and he trough her across the kitchen table and she hit her head really bad. We had this kind of drama almost every day. I remember that he loved to trough things like dishes and stuff at my mother.
– He seemed to have something like a split personality. He played with me when he wasn’t at work and he only hit me once or twice in my whole life but on other days he could be really mean, too. My mothers family didn’t like him very much; it was mutual. On my 7th birthday he told me that none of them (my family on my mothers side) really love me and don’t care about me and that they would be relieved if they didn’t have to be related to me. But he wasn’t mean like that all the time. But he was to my half-sister, he abused her verbally and did everything to make her unhappy.
– But I rarely saw my parents because they worked all the time and my sister, who is 6 years older than me, had to babysit me all the time. She never had a real childhood because she had to do the household, bring me to kindergarten and take me with her everywhere she went. The only warm memories that I have of my childhood are those with my sister.
– My mother ran away from my father a couple of times but he wouldn’t let her go. She cheated on him and when he found out he almost killed her. Then we moved out and we live together with my stepfather now. He doesn’t like me very much but he leaves me alone so that’s all right. Unfortunately my sister moved out but I still see her every other weekend.
– I had to realize that I was quite horrible sometimes, too. I never had much love in my childhood so I tried to get my love from friends. I couldn’t stand it if their whole world didn’t revolve around me and I manipulated and lied to them a lot. And I even played them off against each other even though I was still very young.
My life now:
– Whenever I find a new friend I make him leave all the other friends so I’m their only friend left. I just noticed that a few months ago. That was quite shocking.
– I feel empty and as if I’m in trance. It’s as if I’m not connected to my body anymore and I know a lot of people won’t understand it but I hurt myself. I use scissors to cut myself and then I stick needles into the whole to make it bleed even more. It’s quite embarrassing and I don’t want to go into more detail and I’m what you would call a binge eater but I’m still skinny because I don’t eat anything when I’m mad at myself.
– What I fear most is to be rejected and not reaching my own ot others expectations. Even in school, when I don’t understand something I just start crying and just can’t help it. I can’t deal with it when people don’t like me and I can’t take any criticism.
– I don’t have a real self image and I can’t evaluate the relationships I have with others. In one moment I love them really much and feel like I can’t go on living without them and in the next I just hate them and I can’t be around them. It’s always either one extreme or the other, it is never something in between.
– When someone I love says something bad about me or rejects me I’m not just mentally in pain but physically, too. My heart REALLY hurts in a physical way and I just feel so sick.
_____________________________________________________________
So, is there something wrong with me? And if so, what could it be?
@DJ: I don’t think you know what those illnesses are. My aunt is schizophrenic and you don’t even know how horrible this illness is and I can assure you that I’m not a little bit (how is that even possible) schizophrenic. And I should have extreme mood swings if I were bipolar but If you’re down all the time chances are that you’re not bipolar. But thanks for trying anyway. It may not sound like it but I do appreciate it.
@Natalie: That’s actually what I had in mind too but I have had really bad experiences with counseling that’s why I can’t get up the nerve to go see a counselor again. :/ That’s why I wanted to hear some other opinions. Thank you.
Well, actually this is what was my bad experience:
I was willing to change myself so I went to the appointment. I was sitting there and told her about my life and couldn’t help but cry (but I didn’t self harm at that time. I went there 2 years ago, shortly after that I started because I was even more depressed). This is what she told me: You are a teenager and teenagers tend to be like that it will all get better just try to be more confident. But your poor mother! Don’t you want to talk to her and ask her if she needs to talk about it? I bet it must have been hard on her. That poor thing…..
It was as if she didn’t even listen to me and she didn’t take me seriously AT ALL! And that day I was so frustrated and I swore I would never see one of those useless idiots ever again. So that’s about it.
Best answer:
Answer by Dj
You’re bipolar. That’s all there is to it. You are bipolar, perhaps schizophrenic as well. I’m sorry.
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