Alcohol Abuse Advice

Question by Chris: Should I date this person?
I really like him. He’s got everything I look for in a person besides two things… and I feel one is shallow and reasonable to dismiss, but the other is valid. And then there is one personal reason.

1. He doesn’t really work out. I’m a gay male. And I’m turned on by aesthetics. I have been known to date guys that aren’t “in my league” (as in I’ve dated guys apparently less ‘cute’ than myself) but I date for personality and compatibility and not for just the physical. BUT – fitness does matter to me. I’m 25, he’s 25… and I feel like it’s just something guys should do to stay fit, healthy and attractive.

2. He is an alcoholic. That’s right. Not a raging belligerent drunk… but he just told me he has a physical dependency to it. I come from a long line of alcoholics. It’s a genetic proclivity. Some people simply can become addicted to alcohol. Other’s have no addictive tendencies toward it.

I can go out and have a drink. I can drink 4 nights straight. And I can then go months without drinking (which happens frequently) because say the holidays or summer is over or I just have a lot to do. But for him… he has a little sip of gin before work because it keeps him from withdrawing symptoms. This is a big scary red flag for me even though he’s a “Functional Alcoholic”… he maintanes and even got promoted for an excellent job in a movie company… and he’s actually much further along in his career than I am, as I have gone back to school and just work a simple sales job.

3. This is a personal reason that has nothing to do with him. I just got out of a two year relationship. So when looking at a guy I’m interested in, I seem to be looking more logically than I’m looking emotionally. I question things a little more carefully about a person. But here are the pro’s.

1. I get along with him better than I get along with 99% of people I meet. On a more open and honest level. He’s very intelligent. He’s witty. He’s charming. He’s likable. He’s got a great career and he’s only 25. He’s loyal, he has a very big heart. As in, he’s an UNUSUALLY good person at heart, more than most people I meet. He has it all going besides the drinking and physical fitness. He’s very understanding, and I feel he’s very rare… I have met probably 200 people just from going out, talking, meeting people… none of these people have the rarity of character and well rounded pluses that I see with him. I don’t want to just let it go but I also don’t want to be in an unhealthy situation.

Should I date him? Should I tell him I’m interested but that I am concerned about his drinking?

I am thinking I should just date and take things real slow with him… but not take it to the next level until he stops drinking. Basically, I should just date but not commit until he resolves the issue. Is this fair? How should I approach this? Thanks.
@ good answer. I live in weho too. lol

Best answer:

Answer by Jammarie Lyn
You can’t push somebody to stop drinking just cause they drink more than the average person. I say you should date him because it seems like you really care about this guy. GO FOR IT! About the physical fitness, you can always take little baby steps and work out together, but don’t be upset if he doesn’t want to do it as much as you or doesn’t like it. Someones physical appearance has nothing to do with their characteristics and the big things that make you fall for that person. Again, do not be worried about the alcoholic situation. If it gets really bad, and his personality gets affected, that’s when you should work with him to stop drinking. Just be careful a look for signs of a dangerous alcoholic. But good luck! And Happy Holidays!

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