Fear of Abandonment Question?
Question by Aaron: Fear of abandonment question?
I dont know what to do. I have big issues with fear of abandonment. I think it relates to alcoholic parents but anyways. My long time girlfriend and soon to be fiance initiated a break in our relationship. Things were getting a little too physical when we are trying to stay pure for marriage. She says its only a break to refocus back on God and and become more pure internally.
You can’t do this with someone who has fear of abandonment. She knows I generally have it but I don’t think she fully understands it. I am scared when we continue in our relationship that it will never be the same and that I’ll be too scared and put up a huge wall. She was the only person that I never felt like abandoned me and now I just can’t take it.
I plan to try and talk to the counselling center at my university soon. Any advice? I mean we have a ring and everything. I don’t want to leave her. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t even know if I can look at her the same. Granted it’s only been one day of a break but this is hard and embarrassing for me.
Best answer:
Answer by Avicenna
From what you’ve wrote it appears she has broken your trust.
A pretty serious thing for someone who is about to enter into a lifelong commitment.
I would suggest you print the question you’ve posted here and let her read it … then tell her you’re scared. If she is going to accept you in marriage then she is going to have to accept all of you … including the human frailties which you … and we all, have. If she condemns you for it, that is a bad sign.
That she thinks that for ANY reason that to be “closer-to” or to “refocus” on God that she has to get away from you, THAT would be a huge concern if it were me.
I must disclose to you that I find the concept of the “purity” thing absurd in the extreme … and in the strongest possible terms (trying not to be judgmental or offensive here).
Not absurd that the two of you would “save yourselves for marriage”, but that for the sake of “purity” (omfg) that she has temporarily split with you. Just out of curiosity are you a fundamentalist Muslim?
Anyhow … as far as the abandonment thing, I can totally understand why you are questioning the trust issue.
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