[This Is Long] How to Deal With My Mother and Her Relationships?
Question by Jason: [This is Long] How to deal with my mother and her relationships?
Alright, I’m 19 years old and my mother is around 40.
My mum has always been an obsessive workaholic. A few years ago she was made redundant, and she got divorced from my step-dad. Thus creating her psychotic breakdown. Firstly she kicked me and my little brother out the house, due to stupid reasons. She then started drinking heavily, 2-3 bottles of wine a day. I also know that she did “billy whizz” too. She started causing a lot of problems with my family; She told everyone that i had tried to kill her, and also that her late father tried to rape her. Completely bogus claims, this insulted and annoyed me and my family greatly. Everyone eventually just gave up with her and left her to it.
She then met her current boyfriend, another complete waste of space. He’s a marijuana-smoking, unemployed, alcoholic tramp; to put it pleasantly. He swiftly moved into the family home, luckily i was staying with my grandma at this point.
Then miraculously a year ago; she decided to “get better”, after about 3 years of drinking and many suicide attempts. She was diagnosed with manic depression. Currently she is doing a lot better health-wise, she’s stopped drinking completely and has got a new job involving accountancy. She even invited me back home, saying that life would be good. ( I was living on my own at the time ). So i took up the offer, and decided to go back to college while i have free-housing. I then realized after about a week how meaningless their relationship is. (I’m referring to the boyfriend). He is so obviously just using my mum for money and the house. But she is completely blind to it all, and enables him completely. She pays for all the bills, pays for his house , pays for his cars, pays for holidays for him and his family. In return he does absolutely nothing, he’s argumentative, always drunk, and i know he is violent to my mother.
So i decided to have a talk with him, it soon escalated into a argument. He started calling me a p*ff and a f**got. So i called him a sponging alcoholic _____. He responded by punching me in the face. Maybe i deserved it? I don’t care if i did, i was hoping he’d do it. ‘Cause luckily this got him kicked out of the house. He’s gone back to his house – phew!. Ever since then, him and my mum have been getting back together, breaking up, getting back together.. . blah blah blah. Every time she does it she tells me and other family members “Oh yeah this is it, I see him for his true colors, i see he is using me, I’m never going back, and will constantly mock him.” Next day she’ll take him an 8 pack of special brew and everything will be fine again though… She also still pays for his house bills and has recently bought him a car.. I wouldn’t mind, but if i ask her for £5 for bus money, she gets truly p*****d.
Hope you understood all that, Kinda just scrambled all my angry thoughts out quickly. . I’ve tried speaking to her about it, after one of her break ups and she told me “.. What do you know about relationships anyway.. You’re a homo.” Not only this but everything i say to her, she reports back to her boyfriend. Which makes him hate me even more, and he already wants me dead. What should i do about all this? Me and the family have all tried helping her, but she insists on ignoring us all and going back to him. I’m beyond caring now and i just want an easier – less stressful life until i finish college.
I may sound like a whining spoiled little child, and fair enough to that, But this has been going on for years. She’s been divorced 5 times and each time has been like this. I am now psychologically damaged and have to have regular checks with a psychiatrist.. . She has kicked me out the home about 20 times now, first time when i was 14, so if i raise my voice or anything to her, i don’t think she’ll have any problems getting rid of me.
GL Reading all this.. And Thankyou to anyone who replies! ~ Good or bad welcome. Maybe it’s me who’s in the wrong.
Best answer:
Answer by Artemis Voyage
Hello, I did read the whole thing. And you are not in the wrong. Its really sad that some parents put their children through this. I feel like the only way for you to get past this, is to accept that your mom has made bad choices and is continuing to.
I suggest to keep going to school and keep going to the counselor. I also suggest moving out and just focusing on the parts of your family that are supportive to you.
Wish you well.
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