Alcohol Abuse Advice

Question by moo: is he depressed? PLEASE help me?
my dad has been gone in the Philippines for about 5 weeks, from the end of august till the end of september. he was there for his mom, who had an accident and broke her hip. apparently she had a stroke, but my dad’s siblings just overreacted (one of them is kind of a smart as s)

my mom has been very angry/annoyed as we got closer to him coming back, because she wanted him home already because his siblings were literally draining him of money and wasting money. because his mom was fine and didn’t need everyone there, my dad could have left, but he stayed for 3 more weeks.

during that time, like i said, my dad was a “sucker” as my mom called him, for his younger siblings (he’s the oldest. he’s 64.). the final week before he came back, my mom had an incident and began bawling because she was so annoyed and i got scared they would get a divorce because she basically said this, “he’s wasting so much money. he focuses so much more on his siblings than his OWN family. he never spends time with us. we haven’t been on vacation in years, and when we went to italy for the wedding it didn’t even reach the maximum amount of money. this is why i divorced my ex-husband– because he doesn’t spend time with us.”

when we picked him up from the airport, it wasn’t surprising to see him grumpy and irritated. i thought he was just tired, and he was occassionally grumpy anyways cuz he’s old.

however, it’s been weeks, as you know, since we picked him up in late september, and he’s STILL irritated– more than usual. he has some mood swings, doesn’t talk too much (hasn’t really asked me about school or my life), and all he does is watch TV and golf. i think he only went to work a few times.

also, he’s been sleeping– A LOT. i know that this is a sign of depression.

the other day, my mom said, “wow, he’s STILL sleeping?” it was like night and apparently he napped that afternoon.

then i brought up, “isn’t sleeping a lot a sign of depression?”

i thought she’d laugh, but her face got all serious and she said, “you’re right.”

later, when my dad came downstairs, my mom went up and hugged him all jokingly and said, “*my name* thinks you’re depressed. are you daddy, are you?” and giggled, and my dad laughed along and said something unrelated.

it was bubbly for a little while, but the irritation and anger came back. today, i was watching a comedian on youtube and he came down from his sleep (which, btw, when he woke up it was around 6 pm) and he saw it was a dude and said, “what’re you doing?” i assumed he was joking and i said, “watching comedy”

then he said, “what comedy?” and i said, “funny stuff.” then he said, “you’re watching boys on the internet?”

then he got water and went to watch TV on the couch again. next, the phone rings and it’s my mom, and she asks to talk to him. i call him to answer the phone in the room, and a few seconds he bellows my name and i run there and he yells at me to fix the phone. so i hand him my phone and he talks. i leave. next thing i know he calls me back again and says, “why won’t the phone work? i want you to fix it. figure it out!”

should i talk more to my mom about this? i have no idea what to do. and btw, it came to me that his mood brightens up if he talks to any of his relatives… he may just be being polite, but idk. it’s a huge mood swing.

thank you so much for taking your time on readin this.
also, is it possible that he’s just REALLY REALLY stressed?

i have no idea WHAT he can be depressed about, too…

and some extra info, my half brother came to visit and it was happy, but i noticed he went back to being grouchy when he left and also when he wasn’t around.

Best answer:

Answer by sizesmith
Depression can be a large part of it, but he also might be suffering from physical problems, such as diabetes, high blood pressure, mini-strokes, or it could be marital problems with your mom.

I’d strongly recommend that he go to a doctor. Is it possible that one of his siblings is black-mailing him? Also, at his age, the fact that he went out of the country to see his mom, and the fact is, he might never get the chance again, especially if she is getting sick often. This in itself is scary. As we grow older, our parents get sick, and as that happens, it brings us to our own mortality, which is depressing.

If he has a regular physician, try to get him into an appointment. Perhaps hand deliver a letter to the doctor the day before the appointment, telling him the symptoms you’ve seen. Good luck, and remember, the behavior you’re seeing isn’t normal, and it’s not really your dad speaking, but the illness talking sometimes, no matter what it might be.

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