Wait for Her to Initiate – or Stay Minimally Persistent?
Question by John: Wait for her to initiate – or stay minimally persistent?
I started hanging out with a girl back in October. We had been talking A TON a few months prior (knew each other in high school – recent college grads). Things were going great for all of October, we hung out a couple times, went to the bars with friends, and made out a few times too. Late October, we went out – she thought I got mad at her, so we had a talk about “us.” In this talk, I was a bit drunk, so I came off as incredibly desperate, and sounded pretty pathetic. She insisted everything was fine, but started getting pretty cold – so I decided to give her some space for a bit.
Throughout November, we barely talked, she initiated a few times, I did maybe once or twice, and the talks were never that great (mainly cause she still acted cold – took forever to respond to IMs, didnt seem very talkative even though she initiated). So, a week ago, I went to the bars with my friends and ran into her talking with another guy friend of mine. I said hey to both of them, she said “hey!” and then walked away like 10 seconds later. Haha, I didn’t let it bother me, just went on and enjoyed my night. At the end of the night, I ran into her. We talked for a few minutes while walking to our cars. She said I was looking good, asked me about the new job I had recently started, and when I got home, she texted me “good seeing you tonight, sure hope everything is well.”
I took the good convo as a sign to re-initiate something. I tried talking to her online the next night, and she still seemed a little cold. I didn’t let it bother me, and just moved on a bit. A few days later I just texted her “hey, it was nice running into you the other night, we should get together and catch up soon.” She said “sounds great, deal.” So 3 days later I called her and left a message seeing if she wanted to hang out, she texted me back 7 hours later and said “hi buddy! cant tonight, but sometime this weekend? eh?” I said “sure, no problem,” and proceeded to call her a few days later when it was the weekend. She didn’t respond to my voicemail, and at 1130pm I signed online and started talking to her. We only talked for 20 minutes, but it was EASILY the best conversation we’d had since drunk night. I told her we have to catch up and she said “we totally do.” She said she’s down to get together this week and whatnot, but she also said the same about this weekend (she was going to visit a girlfriend last night).
So sorry about the wall of text – but how should I proceed? Should I wait a little bit and think that she’ll follow up with me? I feel like I’ve started to mend things a bit after drunk night ruining everything, but I don’t want to start coming on too strong again. But I also feel like I’ve gotta keep showing a minimal interest. Help ?!
i should have probably added that in our drunk talk, she said a relationship with me is completely possible in the future. but since she doesnt really know where she’ll end up a year down the road (recent college grad) she didn’t want to start getting involved with anyone.
Best answer:
Answer by Peanut
Because she has been cold since you talked about your feelings, it’s likely that she’s not interested in you romantically, but she misses the companionship and attention that you provided. If I were you, I’d back off on pursuing anything romantically – and think of it this way – she’s not treating you very kindly by ignoring your voice mails. She’s so hot and cold – is she being a good friend. Why do you want to be friends with someone who can’t take the trouble to maintain plans with you or at least return a phone call?
Move on. Find a girl who deserves your sweet attentiveness.
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