Q&A: For Those of You Who Have Quit Drinking, or Have a Spouse Who Has Quit Drinking..?
Question by Blah!: For those of you who have quit drinking, or have a spouse who has quit drinking..?
My husband quit drinking a little over a month ago. Long story, but basically I discovered he was a VERY well-hid alcoholic. He told me he never really realized he was an alcoholic until all these things came to light and he had to talk openly about it, almost like while you’re hiding it it doesn’t seem like as big a deal and you can almost fool yourself, you know?
Anyway, he is doing an EXCELLENT job and it’s almost like living with another person. He’s loving, affectionate, much less irritable, better with his temper, more caring & compassionate, etc.
One thing is really bothering me about it, though. Obviously due to his struggle we keep no alcohol in the household and I do not drink in his presence at all out of respect for him and to try to make things easier. The strange thing about it is, every time we go somewhere that serves alcohol or if there is any around (i.e. a friend’s house) he will say (very quietly, not so others here) “You can drink if you want to.” Of course I always tell him no that I’m not going to drink around him, it’s not fair, etc; to which he responds “Why? I’m the alcoholic not you. You shouldn’t have to put limits on yourself when you don’t have a substance abuse problem. Don’t suffer for my problems.”
The thing is, to me it’s not suffering. I don’t *need* it — I guess being an alcoholic though he would have viewed drinking differently than I do.
Bottom line is, I’m wondering how common this is? People who’s spouses have quit, does your spouse say this kind of stuff to you? Or, if you are the one who is a recovering alcoholic, do you say stuff like that to your spouse?
Just looking for insight as to why. Thanks!
*hear, not here. Sorry!
And just in case I was confusing, I was in NO WAY trying to imply I think he’s drinking; I know he’s not. Now, I can tell the difference believe me.
:D I wasn’t directing that at you Honesty. Just making a general statement I knew you weren’t implying that; no worries!
Thanks!
Best answer:
Answer by Big J v 2
No, you are doing the right thing by not drinking in front of him. And when he says he is the alocoholic, not you, he is really saying thank you.
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