Santa Claus Is Bad for Your Health
Santa Claus is bad for your health
When talking about Santa Claus, we always associate it with pleasure because it distributes beautiful gifts to us. And also, Santa Claus means Christmas that we can relax ourselves. However, the Christmas edition of the British Medical journal, Nathan Grills and Brendan Halyday from Australia examined the effect of Santa Claus on public health. Their conclusion was that he is more or less trying to single handedly kill off the children of the world.
We know that obesity is bad. Santa is the centerfold for FAT IS GOOD. He is, at the least, rotund and this physique is supported by all the parents who help their children put cookies out for Santa. From this we teach our children that high calorie food is good for overweight people. Moms, next year please put out a carrot stick for Santa and discuss with your children why Santa will die prematurely if he doesn’t change his gluttonous habits.
While images of Santa smoking his pipe are less common these days, they still can be readily found all around us. As Santa Claus is at least a hundred years old this teaches children that smoking leads to a long life!
The high color of Santa’s cheeks suggests that he is an alcoholic. This is confirmed by the fact that traditionally many parents leave alcohol for him to drink. Certainly by the time he has completed his trip around the world he could be considered to be driving his reindeer under the influence. I cannot wait to see the uproar when a policeman makes Santa take a breathalyser and drags him off to prison as he was slurring the names of his reindeer as he drove them on.
Then Santa is clearly a reckless driver. Mom where is the crash helmet and the seat belt?
Finally, what are we teaching our children about safe sex when they see mommy kissing Santa under the misseltoe. And, as I live in Town and Country I need to point out, at least for my wife’s sake as she protested the culling of the deer there, that to make those poor reindeer pull that big fat man and all those presents around the world in the most inclement weather is cruel to those poor reindeer. Im surprised that the Animal Liberation Movement haven’t broken into the North Pole to liberate these poor reindeer.
We need a new politically correct Santa. He should be skinny, eat only fruit and fish, not smoke, drink less than 3 drinks on Christmas eve, help the reindeer pull the slay and let poor, little rudolf with his red nose sit in the sleigh, be shown on Youtube working out all year on the treadmill for his arduous work, and not say HO HO HO too often, as i’m sure that is bad for this vocal cords. May you all have a MERRY DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS.
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