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Teaching Your Child to Cope with Crisis: How to Help Your Child Deal with Death, Divorce, Surgery, Being Adopted, Moving, Alcoholic Parents, Sick Pare

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Question by Chelsea: Help on a drug abusing mother..?
My mother is addicted to cocaine. I didn’t really know this until about two years ago when I was 17. My parents are divorced…It was nasty and happened when I was really young *about 7*. Of course, not knowing anything about my mother and her addiction, I believed everything she told me about my father – how he was an alcoholic and would beat her and all these horrible things. Recently, I’ve come to find out that 98% of everything she told me about my father are not true…. But my older sister wont believe me. My mother was always telling us these lies and its almost like she’s brainwashed my sister into believing that my dad’s the bad guy and she’s a saint. Of course, when I discovered my mom’s addiction, I told my sister… who told our mom… When I came home from school that day my mom was waiting for me and started crying saying “how could you think so little of me? This is exactly what your father tried to do to me in court.. tell these lies to get custody of you two.” And her speech made me feel so bad about myself that I believed her, AGAIN, and thought that I was a bad person for thinking such disgusting things about my mom. About a year after that *I was 18*, I found new evidence that I /was/ right. Slowly, I started dropping hints that I knew and she pretended not to get it but would get extremely mad at me – only confirming my suspicions. So I confronted her one night after we had gotten into a big fight. She told me to buy a drug test because she’d happily prove me wrong, so I went up to CVS and got one. It proved positive. Sure the line wasn’t a dark bold red, but there was NO denying there was a line there. After the results showed up, my mom started crying and ran to my sisters arms saying it wasn’t true and blah blah. When i went to talk to her, my sister gave me a literal death glare and said *i’ll never forget this* “Why are you trying to tare apart our family?!” That really stung… I was only trying to help her see the truth… but once again my mother made somebody else look like the bad guy.
Occasionally, some of our utilities would be turned off because the bills wouldn’t get paid and one time it was the electricity *about six months ago*. So my sister and I stayed at my dads for a bit . I decided I liked it there so I officially moved in and have been living here, happily, ever since. But the problem is, is that my sister is still at my moms, completely unaware of the dangers around her. I found out that my mom tried to start selling it, and since then there has been an, i’m sure, illegal pistol in the house. this means that they anticipate a situation where they may need to resort to a gun to protect themselves. I really don’t want my sister in that sort of environment… but she won’t listen to me.
And my mothers gotten so bad that whenever I come over she’s locked in her room, coughing up a storm *she smokes the cocaine, she doesn’t snort it*. One time I came over and the stove had been left on for hours, the dog was outside and the door was locked meaning she’d been out the entire night before and all that day without food or water. On top of all that, my mom still calls me and says things like “I hate that you’re living with your father. He’s ruining our relationship…” and she’ll start crying. But it’s not my dad thats made me distance myself from her…It’s her.
It’s gotten really bad… and I don’t know what to do. I need advice from anyone. Preferably someone with a similar situation. I feel like if I confront her again, she’ll just convince me *she is the /best/ liar the world has ever known* that i’m wrong and that i’m a horrible person for thinking those things about my own mom – the woman who gave me life.
And then there’s my sister… How do I make her come out of her denial and see the truth?
Sorry for the rant, thank you so much.

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