What Do You Think of This Excerpt From My Story?
Question by Monica: What do you think of this excerpt from my story?
When Will came back, he put one arm around her shoulder and used the other one to hand her the drink. Damien and Holly just shrugged and exited out of the room. However, Holly turned back around and gave her a pleading look. Savannah chose to ignore her again. She didn’t understand why Holly had to treat her like a child. Sure she didn’t have the best judgment, but she was just going to dance with the guy and go home.
She took a long, satisfied swig from her drink. Will’s arms felt strong against her body. The scent of him captivated her. Everything about him was perfect.
On the dance floor their bodies were pressed against each other. Her eyes were closed and her hands were on his neck. His hands traced down the hem of her dress, caressing it for a second. That was until Savannah stopped him. She was not about to let him touch her like that.
“What grade are you in?” she murmured, her head close to his chest.
“I’m a junior.” he answered, sliding his hands down to her butt.
Her eyes shifted in confusion. Why was he touching her when she just non-verbally told him to stop touching her thighs?
“Um, Will?” she asked uneasily. “Can you not touch me anywhere below the waist?”
“Right,” he said hollowly, seeming not to notice her at the moment.
As they danced, she could see Carter staring at them. His caramel-brown eyes pulsated through her as if where an ultraviolet ray. Those eyes could stop a train going at five hundred miles per hour. Wanting to avoid looking at them, she had Will lead her over to a more secluded spot. He was more than willing to oblige when he picked her up to carry her. For some reason it didn’t feel right. The only guy who ever carried her was Carter. And suddenly she wanted Carter to be the one to carry her. She didn’t care if he might like someone else or that he didn’t want her anymore, she still loved him.
Just when she was about to say something to Will, she felt herself getting a huge headache. It was the kind of headache that felt like a bowling ball was striking her head repeatedly. Deciding to take it easy, she backed up a little. Her vision started to blur and voices began to sound muffled. Sweat poured from her forehead as she tried to keep her balance up.
This will pass. she thought. It’s only a temporary anxiety attack. If I sit down for a while, I’ll feel better. But what about Will? He’ll probably think I’m being rude if I don’t at least say something to him.
But when she tried to speak, all that came out was a dry rasp. Her vision began to clear again, but her voice and hearing were still impaired. She had no idea what was going on. It wasn’t like she was drinking. Then suddenly she had a flashback of when she, Holly, and Damien where talking in the kitchen. An instinct told her that when Will had gotten her the drink, he must have spiked it with something alcoholic. No wonder Holly and Damien were trying to warn him. That explained why Andy and Carter looked annoyed when seeing her and Will. He was trying to get drugged up.
But it was too late. With a tug of her arm, he shoved her into a deserted bedroom and locked the door behind them. Panicking and trying to keep herself sober, she ran passed him, but he grabbed her by the arm.
“Come on, baby.” he slurred. “The party’s just starting.”
“H-help!” she tried to scream, but was muffled by his hand covering her mouth.
He looked around the room as if looking for something. Savannah had no idea what he was doing, but she didn’t want to find out. She just wanted to get out of there and go home.
“It’s okay, the coast is clear.” he whispered not her, but to someone else.
Someone else’s in the room! the voice in her head screamed. Run, run, run!
To her horror to tall boys came out of the closet looking like hungry wolves. The pain in her head increased as they started towards her. Will’s hand was still on her mouth when they dragged her to the bed. The taller boy grabbed her by the arms and the other grabbed her by the feet. All she could make out was muffled screams and sobs. Tears ran down her face as they forcibly placed her on the bed.
By mistake Will’s hand slipped off of her mouth. Taking advantage of this situation she decided to scream for her life. To call someone she knew would protect her and never hurt her.
“Car—!” she screeched, but was cut off by a slap to the face.
She limped over and broke down into soft sobs. All three of the boys smelled like sweat and alcohol. She could almost smell Will’s breath as he leaned over to kiss her. How those kisses felt like knives prickling her skin. How it felt poisonous. Each of the boys got a turn kissing her like she was some prize.
Finally mustering all of her strength, she kneed one of the boys in the stomach. But that didn’t hurt as much as the kick to the shin. She whi
Best answer:
Answer by Tani
I think its too long, sorry.
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