Alcohol Abuse Advice

Question by :): can depression cause a drop in academic performance significantly?should i get tested for it?
can depression be contributing significantly to my loss of discipline in college?
im a freshmanin college currently , i attended a christian high school, and was picked on, a lot, i also had no friends and was completely alone
after a while, i grew to hate everything there and i hated the loneliness and how i was judged, and i started to hate myself, i steadily got worse, first i hated all christians, then i just hated people in general, i used to be sad and upset all the time, and even though i normally have good work ethic and am an A B student that started to decline
that seems normal enough, i know its not rare for people to get picked on in high school, but what i think is abnormal is that i seem to dwell on it STILL
i hate everything about myself sometimes (not literally, but im really picky about myself) , i still remember every little thing they said about me, the way i look, the way i act, everything, and i feel like a failure
i also have a hatred for christianity, which is totally not me, ive never been the type of person to hate someone because of anything like race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. but the hatred i have for christianity really scares me sometimes, i try to stop if i catch myself, and i KNOW its wrong, but its habit,
i also sleep all the time, and not because im tired, because i want to “escape” from situations that i dont want to deal with, and i notice myself getting angry easy
ive also “let myself go” im normally very active and i was trying hard to lose weight (im a little overweight) but now i find myself eating ridiculous amounts even when im not that hungry
this is consuming me, and i hate it, no one would ever be able to tell any of this about me, i seem really happy and carefree on the outside
my absolute biggest worry is that this might be causing my grades to drop, no im not trying to blame my grades on a disorder, i know that no one and nothing is to blame but me, but im wondering if these “symptoms” look like it could be depression? or if this is something i need to solve by myself, also if it is depression and i got treatment would that by any chance help my academic discipline at all?? is it bad to put a person on medicine for depression (i know a lot of people who say it is? is getting tested for depression worth it (i really dont want to talk about this or tell ANYONE, including family/doctors) please help i just want to be normal and do better in school :(

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