Alcohol Abuse Advice

Question by Inner Senses: Psychological question/story, need opinions. (Very Long)?
My parents were divorced ever since I was 3. I grew up with my mom and all of my life she has dated alcoholic losers. I suffered physical and emotional abuse from one when I was 9. He normally took everything out on me, but one time I saw him hit my mom and I snapped. I grabbed a knife, while crying, and threatened him. Everyone was so shocked, even myself. Ever since that day I have this sub conscious explosive, impulsive side of me. I was diagnosed with major depression a couple years later after I attempted suicide 4 times. Later I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder and Schizophrenia (not a multiple personality disorder, so don’t think that’s it.) There is a lot of mental instability in my family and that was the period in time where mine surfaced. I’m currently 17 and whenever I see my mom with a guy I know that is just like the others, I try and protect her as much as possible, by hating him and trying to keep him away from her. My mom tells me to deal with it and my psychiatrist said that it isn’t my role, I’m taking on the role of a “husband” in a sense in his words. And every time, these stupid ***holes end up hurting my mom who isn’t very stable either. 1. Should I not be so hostile to these men? Last year, around Christmas time her boyfriend came to our house at 1 a.m. hammered and started wrestling around with me, but I have weak lungs and he started choking me (I’m sure he meant to put a playful hold on me but his judgement was impaired) and that rageful side manifested again. I managed to get him on the ground and I put my knee on my chest and I told him to get out of my house and he became very aggravated. He exploded and started cursing in my face and my mom came out of her bedroom and asked what was going on and I kept telling her to tell him to leave. He followed me around for about 10 minutes, us cussing at each other. He got really close to me and I told him to leave. He just glared me in the eyes and I shoved him across the room and he fell over. I started to walk away and he got up and slammed my head into an oven light. Then my mom told him to leave. Later that day, my mom was angry that I cussed and told me he was coming over that night, so I got angry. So she kicked me out and I have lived with my dad since. My relationship with her has since mended. Questions: 2. Can I justify starting a fight with him? 3. Does this seem more like his fault, my fault, or both of us? 4. Does this anger seem to be more of a burden than anything? No one can really make me angry except these men. An explosive, rageful side of me consumes me and it aims all of my anger at them, but it also protects me. I act and talk without even realizing it. It’s almost like I’m watching myself do it as a different person. 5. Do these men deserve this or do I really need to start trying to control this side of me?
Sorry for the long text, answer any/all questions you want too with your personal opinions. Do not just side with me, I want actual reasons please. And if you’re against my judgements and actions please explain. This is a true story and I am looking for serious opinions from completely unbiased points of view.
Thank your for your time. Denote which question you’re answering with the numbers 1-5 in front of your response. (I numbered the questions I wanted answered if you were curious as to what those were.)
All notes, comments, and opinions are welcome.

Best answer:

Answer by swordfish
you are a minor, when an adult hits you, call the police. as for your mom’s boyfriends, BE THE WORST FCKING NIGHTMARE YOU CAN whenever they are around. seriousely, with such selfish alcoholic losers, they will think your mom is not worth the bother. it’s mean, but it is tough love. also, you need to go live somewhere safe because of the environment your mom has put you in. People don’t change until the circumstances and people around them change.

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