I Feel Locked Inside My Own Mind and Don’t Know What to Do.?
Question by MR: I feel locked inside my own mind and don’t know what to do.?
Sorry for how long this is. I felt the more info the better help you guys would be. Please read it. Please. Please. Please. I really need advice on this. And this is the only place I can turn to. Please.
I’m 17 and graduating high school in June. I’ve felt this way for around one or two years. Basically I just feel completely run down. That part of it only started within the past week. I used to be able to push my emotions aside and be happy and smile and laugh and not let anyone know anything was going on. You know, keep it all inside. But this past year I found it hard to do so. I just can’t keep pretending anymore. And now I just have no energy at all. I’d rather lay in bed. This I can not do.
My mom is a big part of my life. I always fear embarrassing her or disappointing her. I can not deal with that if it happens. My mom claims I do not do that to her but rather only to myself. I do not care about my self at all. I live my life trying to make others happy. I would rather talk about their problems than have them listen to mine. I do not feel that mine matter enough compared to theirs. I also know that in reality I do embarrass her.
I lost my friend a month ago he was only 17 to suicide. I lost my Grandmother one week after that happened. Every year I have had to burry someone in my family—literally every year, and all of them I was close to in some way. Between arguments and death my two brothers and my parents are all I have left. I do not date because I do not feel I can handle a relationship. My mood swings are too extreme and it is impossible for some one to figure me out let alone me figure myself out. I’ve completely lost who I am.
I wish my parents would take me to a doctor but they only see anything “sign” wise I do as a negative ploy for attention. They discovered that I drink and handled it well by talking calmly and trying to figure out why I did it instead of just getting angry that I did it. They offered to take me to go see someone but me being the person who does not want to admit to needing help I declined. They never asked again. And are now back to getting angry if I do anything that they call a “negative ploy for attention”.
I hate how I feel. I do not want to die. I just don’t want to be me anymore. I hate who I am. No one likes me. My friends never hang with me anymore, they are always busy and never involve me. My so called best friend has not hung out with me in two months and we rarely talk in school anymore. I have run out of time to find “new friends” because I am graduating and there is nothing for me to get involved in. My mom thinks when I have a mood swing it’s because I got a bad text message and now I am in an argument with a friend which is never the case. The little things upset me now. I can’t help it. I just don’t have the energy or the desire to hide it anymore. My Mom thinks any issues I have with friends is my fault. Somehow it is always me who did something wrong.
I hate how I feel. I feel trapped inside this person that is not me. I want out. I think about suicide a lot but I would never do it. I’m trying not to cut like I used to because I don’t want my parents to look. My mom noticed scars from last year that she never saw before and is now checking my wrists when I’m not paying attention. It’s really hard not to cut.
I am not the person to go and ask for help. I am not the person to admit that I need help. I am the person who believes a psychologists means that you are weak. Now, if one of my friends went which some do I would say that is great I’m glad you’re going because that is good and I know it will help them. For me, though, it is like hitting rock bottom.
I think I want help but I don’t want to admit it to my family. I feel as though doing so would upset my mom. I think she would be embarrassed. I don’t want to hurt her anymore. I’d rather pretend I’m the daughter she wants than admit to her that I am dyeing inside.
I’m just so lost. I have no friends to talk to. They don’t give me the time of day anymore. And I feel like when I do talk I am just complaining. I know what I am feeling inside is wrong. I know I should be happy. I’m a senior. I’m graduating. I’m going to college. I’m entering adulthood. But I am not happy. Not at all. And I can’t pretend like I am anymore. And my mom just sees it as me trying to get attention. I don’t know what to do. She won’t take the stance and force me to go get help. She thinks I’m “acting” I guess. And I refuse to go ask for it. I don’t want to be labeled as depressed. I don’t want to take medication. I hate that, it’s like I said, it’s me hitting rock bottom. I want to do it on my own. But I don’t know how. My one friend thinks I have anxiety issues. Because she says my friends do care but I don’t believe her. I feel like they all hate me. I feel like they see me as a nuscene and want to
the end cut off so here’s the end……..
and want to exclude me as much as possible. I spent my entire senior trip feeling down and in the dumps. It sucked. I can never admit when something is wrong cause it only upsets my mom. I hate hearing her upset that something is not fun for me anymore. So I always lie and say it is fun or that it is going well.
I don’t know what to do. I want to stop feeling this way.
I also jus feel lik I cant talk 2 a teacher or any1 I know. Its embarrassin 2 me that I feel this way. I do hav a teacher tat I tlk 2 alot but I jus cant imagine talkin 2 him bout this. I want everyon 2 think I am perfect tat I am great tat I can do anythin tat I can succeed at any challeng. Admittin 2 my teacher tat I feel this way is embarrassin 2 me. I subtly let my teacher know how little self confidence I have and I think he has caught on to that but I think he himself is at a loss on what to do as well. He just tries to always tell me that I am good at writing that I’m better than I think I am. That I can do it. All that stuff, but 2 me, I feel lik he has to say that.
In any case I can’t talk to brothers, father, or teacher because it is embarrassing to me and I do not feel comfortable doing it.
Also I do not really believ in God anymor. I usd 2 b really strong in my faith. But not I am not so sure. So please, no comments bout prayin to God. No offense, thanks.
Best answer:
Answer by jim13115
The problem clearly is depression. I think it’s great that you don’t want to take psych meds.
Secular mental health treatment will not provide a cure. They will listen to you, maybe provide a few suggestions and, if that doesn’t work–as is typical–they will tell you that therapy and medication is your best option. This can continue for your entire life.
The only thing that really works well for depression is the Bible. I’d suggest you get an NIV Bible and start reading. One scripture: “Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression.”
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