Q&A: At What Point Is a Friendship Not Worth the Emotional Distress and Drama It’s Causing?
Question by Jackie O MG: At what point is a friendship not worth the emotional distress and drama it’s causing?
My fiance’s good friend has been dating this girl for the past couple years. I have no doubt in my mind that she’s borderline insane. From day one she has been nothing but drama. I don’t even know where to start- lies, delusions, hissy fits over chicken wings, violence (towards her bf), fights… it’s out of control. It’s gotten to the point where her issues have caused some major disagreements and divisions between the other couples and friends in the group, including me and my fiance and me and my two best girl friends.
Their “relationship” is like a textbook abusive relationship to the extreme (she is the abusive one though). She’s put holes in their walls, flipped over the couch with him sleeping in it, chucked her cell phone at him , punched him in the face, etc. She recently told me this crazy story about how they were drunk and he supposedly tried to strangle her with her purse strap “for no reason”, and then told me not to tell anyone. Then she tells me a week later that it’s okay because she’s “done worse things to him when they were drinking”. What is worse than strangling someone? Ummm, what did she stab him or something?!! And she told me that she told her mom about the strangling, but her mom is okay with it because she just LOVES him and her dad is an alcoholic and has done some messed up **** to her mom. So her mom is very supportive of them staying together and they were drunk when it happened so it’s no big deal. Honestly though, I don’t know what, if any of this, is true because her and her bf both lie like there’s no tomorrow. Did I mention that he’s 37 years old and she’s 28?!!
Now we just had a blow out today because of course I told our other friends that she accused him of strangling her. And I was totally honest with her that I told people about it because it was disturbing and told her not to confide in me anymore because I wont keep her secrets (this was in texts). She went nuts on me and said she is “done with this f*cking drama” (LOL) and then her bf started texting me telling me how insecure I am blah blah and then texted my fiance and told him I’m a b*tch and he’s done with us.
I’ve tried for two years to be nice to these people but at some point you have to draw the line. I refuse to enable their messed up behavior any longer and I refuse to be dragged into it. I don’t need people like this in my life. They are dragging all their friends down. I told my fiance this tonight after he got the b*tch text, but he still wants to be friends with this guy, even though he’s a horrible friend to my fiance. He’s not a friend at all. I feel guilty though because I don’t want to be like this crazy girl and ruin my fiance’s friendships the way crazy girl has destroyed all of her bf’s friendships. I have seriously tried to make this work, but enough is enough. Their issues are starting to have a negative impact on my life. And I can only blame myself for letting it happen. That’s why I feel like it’s time to draw the line.
I mean, if you want to be healthy yourself, you’ve got to surround yourself with healthy people and ixnay the azycrays, no? Life’s too short, right? If we just keep saying “oh, no big deal, it’s all good” to all their crap, aren’t we enabling their dysfunctional behavior? At what point is a friendship not worth the emotional distress and drama it’s causing?
Best answer:
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