Alcohol Abuse Advice

Why I Locked My Roommate In a Bird Cage

It all started on a Friday night like most Friday nights—sitting around the apartment, watching TV on mute and listening to music with my roommate, knocking back a few brewskis. Now, my roommate is a high functioning alcoholic whether he will admit it or not. He has a job that he is able to miraculously wake up on time for, he is sometimes able to do things without alcohol, but usually he is either watching sports drunk, listening to music drunk, or watching a movie drunk. That’s about all he does. Anyway, back to the story. It’s a Friday, and my roommate is already in pretty deep, probably 6 or 7 beers deep and it’s only 8pm. That’s about when he started to take shots and make mixed drinks for himself and I realized that I wouldn’t be going anywhere that night because I would have to watch my roommate to make sure he didn’t fall off the balcony, get the cops called for a noise complaint, break things, or generally cause unattended havoc in the apartment. I wasn’t happy about this because I was planning on meeting some friends later so I inquired with him if he was planning on getting picked up to go out later or anything. I didn’t get much of a response and he kept on drinking. I wasn’t about to let my roommates alcoholism and inability to not do something stupid when he’s drunk and alone ruin my night so I ditched out and had fun with non-alcoholic friends. But before I did I tricked my roommate to walk into the large bird cage I had bought for this specific purpose at the novelty store. With him properly enclosed I locked it, slipped the key in my pocket and left for the night. Did I mention I laid down some old newspaper for him as well? When I returned later that night I was glad I did…